When our baby boy died, there were so many levels of emotion and feelings that were hard to describe to someone else. One healing way for me to express myself and release some emotion was through writing a poem. You don’t need to be a brilliant poetry writer to do it, just start by putting pen to paper and see what comes out. Below is one of the poems I wrote about the abruptness of losing a son at birth. As you read the poem, you can use MTT if you feel any emotions come up. Hearing of someone else’s loss can remind us of our own losses, so it is an opportune time to use MTT to help us release unresolved feelings and allow us to feel our love for them more strongly.
Ticket to Nowhere
What joy I felt – the journey’s begun
The train gently leaves the station
I hold hands with my true love
We’ve made the right decision
I felt quite fortunate on our trip
The ride was smooth and safe
The scenery was so beautiful
I knew this was our fate
The sun shone bright, the flowers bloomed
The air smelt sweet and fresh
Not much longer now my love
This year would be our best
I’d heard the next part of the path
Could be intense and surreal
Traveling up the mountain edge
Would take lots of courage to feel
With lots of grunt, we slowly climbed
Climbed our way to the top
My heart sung with joy, my body trembled
As I wondered why we’d stopped
The conductor said “It’s time to leave”
I said, “Beg your pardon”
“This ticket takes us all the way,
To a place called Parent Town.”
“No”, she said, “That’s not the case,
You should read the fine print.
It’s time for you to leave the train.
I’m sorry, it’s the end of your stint.”
“My friends are waiting for me there”, I yelled
As I was shoved out of the carriage door
I fell to my knees, my head jarred
The train moved off with a roar
The sky was dark, the air was cold
The rain pelted down on my skin
I had no idea where I was
A new journey would begin
A warm embrace from my man
Shielding me from the weather
I turned my head and there he was
Our boy asleep forever
My cry echoed far and wide
Into the darkest night
There must be some mistake my God
This cannot be our plight
Deathly silence in response
No waking from this dream
“Who am I in this place?”
Nothing is as it seems
On we walked, chilled to the core
Each step seemed like a journey
Fog set in on this strange place
Leaving no certainty
No one could give directions
Only warm clothes to wear
To help survive the frosty winter
And not fill with despair
The task ahead was impossible
Alas, no turning back
The time had come to say goodbye
I could hear my heart crack
We wave farewell to our dear boy
Our precious little son
Thank you for choosing us, my love
Darling Alkar, radiant one
Julie Horsfall 2008